Oddities...

sometimes things crop up in my mind that strike me as odd.

not the usual oddities that make me stop and think "where in the flyin fuck did that come from???" but things that, based on something kinda resembling analysis, just don't make sense.

events that just don't fit together.

things that wake you out of a dead sleep...

only to discover upon reflection, that they don't really matter anyway.

sometimes it's difficult deciding - correctly - what matters and what doesn't.
sometimes, letting go of what doesn't really matter is harder than actually deciding what matters and what doesn't, even after you've made the decision.

sometimes you just don't know if you're right or not. and sometimes, knowing is the more important thing.

sometimes, i think i ramble on, and forget what the hell it was that i was trying to say anyway.

i think i shall go now.

we can build a treehouse in our yard. there's a really big tree right outside the front door.

so there...

recently, the subject of funerals has reared it's ugly head, as it usually does when someone in the family dies.

i have a rather, to some people, annoying view on funerals. i think they're amazingly superficial and an amazing waste of money that could be spent on better things.

when i die,
and yes, i'm actually putting this in writing,
i mean this,
i DO NOT want a fucking funeral.

if anything, chuck my ass by mile marker 69 on highway 13.

i figure that way, since people are so insistant on bringing flowers to the final "resting" place, the mile marker will give them a reference.

i mean really, i'm not gonna fuckin care if you bring flowers or not. i know that bringing flowers is for the people you "left behind" ( i love that euphamisim ), but c'mon folks, lets get practical here. if you want to do something, donate to a charity in the dead fuckers name. don't waste the money on flowers that are just going to die, blow away or more than likely in this day and age, get stolen.

give the money that you would've spent on the funeral to people who really need it.

do /something/ (anything for christ's sake!) that will make a difference. make the persons life count even after their gone.


now, having said all that, i can't fault others for wanting a nice funeral where people stand around and say all the nice things about the dearly departed. it's just not my bag. it makes no sense to me.

in other news, life has been interesting. between having a come to jesus moment with a drunk sibling and work being absolutely and totally chaotic, i've had virtually no time to sit down and write anything.

i'm actually forcing myself to keep writing right now. why? i don't know, i have a readership of like, 1 person.
i guess it's good for me to write things down sometimes.

sometimes it takes a turn off of what i originally intended to write and even surprises me.

the subject of death has been on my mind a lot as of late, as you may have noticed with my earlier rant.

i think that it all boils down to the fact that i'm tired. my thoughts always seem to take a morbid turn when i'm tired. especially since when i get this tired, i get depressed.

i'm doing ok with that...for the most part. there are moments. but they're fewer than they used to be.


anyway, i think i'm done now.